Thursday, November 12, 2009

HOW DO I LOVE THEE? …, Love Email, 4

Love Email, 4

Dear Etta,

I look at my desk calendar, and see that last week at this time I was eagerly awaiting your return from abroad. Tonight I am alone again. Out of the corner of my eye, I spy my empty bed. I will always remember that last night together at the airport Ramada. I slept well, so especially content and warmed all over by your flesh, by our lying there the night side by side. And when you awoke me ten minutes early that I might still further enjoy the pleasure of your company, I felt as though I had slipped through earthly constraints and entered into a realm that heathen people imagined as paradisiacal. I love the time I had spent with you from that first rainy Thursday date to that final parting kiss at departure gate security.

Now the prospect of your upcoming surgery, it moves to the front of my thoughts. I only wish that whatever the pain or discomfort, I wish that it might be visited upon me instead of you.

Although this Victorian era poems starts trite, a wee-bit ho hum, I believe it adequately describes the nature of love, one person for another.

How Do I Love Thee?
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Good night, Darling. In a few hours I'm traveling for business. After I check the vendors at those Western New Jersey markets, I shall start the search for a new house or apartment.

Yours, S.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

LOVE HURTS, Love Email, 3

As of this date my YOUTUBE Channel has received 213,000 + Single Page Visits, Video Views! A Google Search of the terms Stanley Pacion YouTube yields a result count of/ in the tens of thousands

Love Email, 3

Dearest Etta,

I got off the telephone with you about an hour or so ago, and once again a flood of memories and feelings beset me. Our long distance and our long time apart may be the end of me. Poor me! Poor me! Honest, it is very hard for me to pretend I am grown up, a man about this whole separation business. I feel alone. I am more like a child. I suffer terrible separation anxiety. Right this moment I want to scream aloud, and, if it would do me any good at all, I would. I would scream aloud in pain.

Also, I am having a physical reaction. Juices are being released in my stomach, which never happens to me even when I am hungry. This is not just my imagination. No! I am physically afflicted. Longing for you, just to be near to you, causes me ache even in my forearms. My elbows hurt. I swear I feel the ache of this profound longing even in the calves of my legs, in my knee caps. I know you believe me to be exaggerating, but it's true, darling. It is true! I am now in the middle of some devil angst.

Last night I had another bad spell, very bad. I felt an exhaustion overcome me. I lay down in the bed right off my office area, and almost curled up in a ball. I was in the fetal position. I began to swoon. If only I could come up against you. I need only your body warmth. I need only to be up over and against you.

Playing on the TV set at the bottom of the bed was a PBS special, which now had a segment about the Warsaw Ghetto. I did not actually see the video portion, but the mournful sounds, oh, the so sad background music, matched my interior mood. How's that for big-time sacrilege, down right sinful! It is a terrible comparison, I know. I have no right making it. But I try to portray the mood, the dark-cloud mood over me. My pain over missing you tied to the agony of tens of thousands souls living in Hell and then about to be transported to an absolute Hell. Now you know, sweet heart! Now you know! Now you have a glimpse of the pain I am in. I am truly a lost soul.

Yours, S.

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